in the 'as if' style

As if. this is the way to live. in this style of 'as if' . deliteralizing the hardness's around us and within our ideas, thoughts. I do not mean to live in denial, that would be different. and dangerous. as if is more accurate to the actor on stage, thhe Indian Lela or the Japanese Kabuki.
I am now an enlgish teacher,as if. Acting this role. Seeing through its literalzations. as if i am a writer.

Stories, Fragments and Dreams

this is the name of this blog. stories. maybe i can write some. maybe not, then they will be fragments. and dreams? yes, i journal my dreams. not all, but many. especially the ones that grab me. do i analyze them? not really. just look at them. I dont even stick with them much, for i guess they will stick with me if they desire so. I hope others will have a little interest in this blog.
-David

the outer beauty

...she is beautiful. the image that I perceive. Or is it She who perceives me?
...I think the psychologist were very wrong when they say beauty is inside. Have they never seen her? She is most truly out there.

the unapologetic emotional man

emotion,
emotes.
do we need to be sorry for being emotional?
as a man?
of course not!
I have said my million sorries from shame for being emotional
then i realized, apologies are not necessary

I met a girl in the subway.she didnt answer

it is hard to be cursed to be a carrier of love, with no one to accept it. no one to recieve it and no one to give me the same. where does one place it?
a part from the fluffy enlightened advice of give it to your self. or the zen advice of let it go.
it needs a container, and that container needs to be an image and i wish it woudl be in a warm blooded woman...
what a lonely place to be.

the god's appearance on stage. gratitude to the Boss

If he is the Boss , he is the most Giving Boss.
A force. In extremis. Bruce Springsteen's energy and music heart thumps and pours forcefully forward. But not only forward does it propel it moves out. out in all directions. The Boss conjuring love to all directions...dispersed then, encapsulating one's soul, warming it sending chills in the human body.
this is one of the gods becoming present. The barcelona concert is that god showing up on that certain night to that particular party. and the god doesnt come evey night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFAr2AbvvF8

it's not your parents fault: the parent fallacy

I am not needy or lonely because my mother did not love me enough or my dad was not around. absent.
No, no. this ground was already here. these actors were already in place; out of Necessity.
She didnt leave me because i am not good enough. no she left me because i chose the one to leave me. and i am the not good enough cahracter in the fantasy.
the third chaper needed the actors... but the stroy can be turned.
this story came with me already lived through the womb.
of course i chose, out of free will, her and not the other. yet the urges push the urges forward. laying the ground for a climactic emotional vessel.
but by seeing through, the story may be turned.

The necessity of The Vessel of Emtion(the Gods?)

Emotion needs a carrier. It searches and eventually finds a carrier. Mine was , this time, Anna.
Too young, Korean, Korean parents, all the pieces for disaster. A tragic ending a place, a Loci, for emotion to be heard. To be recognized be revealed!
Did I pick her? I dont believe so. I believe the Gods picked her, nudged me towards her..Emotion wanted her. NOt her as the personal maybe but the everything around and the ..

Fantasy, As If, Story

On Anna,my heart and a well liked fantasy?
Voice: Look it David. You knew or predicted all along that Anna was not ready, mature enough, or even available to settle down with you. And now you act dramticaly and surprised! Is this your choice of fantasies? The chosen drama you are acting in. The Hurt Boy? The Tragic Victim? The Lonely? The Wounded Child? Man?